I Watch You
by dontgiveahoot
Summary: Shounen ai. Poem/stream of consciousness type thing. One of the Reikai Tantei thinks deeply about another... Yuusuke + Kurama


I WATCH YOU.  
  
The others all think I'm stupid, probably.  
Well, maybe not STUPID, but definitely not clever.  
Not like you are.  
They probably think  
That I don't know anything but fighting  
And things like that.  
What they don't know  
Is about how when I'm trying to sleep... I can't.  
Because I can't stop myself  
From thinking of you.  
  
I watch you, you know that, Kurama?  
I watched you at the first Tournament   
And I saw you stop fighting  
Just standing there, taking the blows,   
And at first I didn't know why.  
All I knew  
Was that watching you be hurt  
Over and over  
Hurt me too.  
He cut your cheek -- hell,  
He almost cut out your eye  
And you stood there and took it  
Standing tall, dignified and proud, without flinching   
Buying the needed time.  
For whom?   
For your mother.  
I found that out soon enough.   
Anyway, I'm glad you killed the scum, of course  
But didn't you think?  
You think she would have liked to know   
That she was the cause  
Of your bloodshed?  
  
I watch you, you know that, Kurama?  
I watched you as you fought Karasu  
Neatly avoiding him as best you could  
Ignoring the pain of the blows he hit home  
Biding your time, waiting for the potion to act.  
And when it did --  
Something was within you  
That wasn't there before.  
A much fiercer will to live... and also  
A desire for the hunt, the kill.  
There was such power  
Radiating from the youko  
And I was even more sure you would win.  
I never even thought about 'maybe he could lose'  
After all, you're Kurama, right?  
But...  
When you returned to the familiar body  
Of the ningen Shuuichi  
Battered and wounded, drained of youki  
Your best trick neatly avoided  
Trapped by your leg and surrounded by bombs  
That exploded onto your body  
One   
By   
One  
And I heard your cries of pain  
Even from the sidelines.  
I wanted to kill the bastard myself  
And to hell with the rules  
But I knew you'd never forgive me.  
And that was the only thing that kept me  
From doing it.  
Maybe I should have, though.  
You had to try it, didn't you?  
Rather than costing us one lousy fight  
You spent all of yourself  
In a last suicidal stroke  
To try and let us win.  
For whom?  
For us.  
  
So we could pull a victory  
From your lifeless body  
As the Toguro team did with Karasu's.  
Is that what you think of us?  
Is that why you did that for us?  
  
Yeah, I watch you, Kurama.  
I watch you because you're my friend  
And my teammate.   
No. Be honest.  
I watch you because... I love you  
Don't ask me how it happened, or when   
But I do.  
I just do.  
Che, how could this happen?  
Damn it all  
And damn you for making me fall in love with you  
When everything else in my life just screams "No".  
  
I watched you impale yourself  
On a demon sword  
For a virtual stranger  
And slice your palm deeply along the blade  
Drawing a handful of blood in mere seconds  
And then stumbling off   
To save the life of a human girl  
You'd never even met before.  
Saving the Tantei from death  
And loss of his soul  
The most precious possession, after all, I guess.  
Saving the girl from slavery  
And restoring to her control of her mind  
Saving the would-be killer  
From committing a crime that would call down a harsh punishment  
Which would further corrode his already bitter heart.  
For whom, Kurama?  
Knowing you, probably for all three.  
Damn.  
  
Why do you do all this  
For everyone but yourself?  
Giving so much, even if it means you die?  
I may not be smart  
But damned if I can figure your logic out about this.  
And I wish you'd explain it to me  
So that I could destroy it.  
  
When will you think of yourself for once?  
  
When I try to sleep  
You intrude on my mind  
Your smile, your laughter, your warmth, your SELF  
And I try not to think about  
What the world would be like without them  
If those things were crushed to death by your actions.  
And - yes, damn you, I dream of your lips  
And how they'd feel against mine  
But most of all  
I remember the trust you put in me  
As you directly approached me   
Promised me the Mirror if I were patient  
And told me your life story  
The first time we talked.  
And I knew right then, somehow  
That I couldn't let the Mirror just claim your life  
And take you away so soon.  
  
And sometimes I wonder  
If you love me as well  
But probably not.   
You'd just smile that kind smile  
And say "I'm sorry, Yuusuke, but..."  
And even if you did love me  
You'd never say anything anyway.  
After all, there's Keiko to think about, right?  
  
Oh, Kurama  
Between you and Keiko  
I'm so confused  
But I could never choose between you  
I love you both too much.   
All I know is that whenever you are hurt  
I scream and my heart breaks a bit at a time  
Because I couldn't bear to lose you.  
  
I couldn't bear to lose your friendship either,  
So I do the only thing I can do.  
  
I watch you, Kurama. 


End file.
